Marwood: Speed, is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane… Time change. You lose, you gain… Makes no difference so long as you keep taking the pills. But sooner or later you got to get out, because it’s crashing. And all at once those frozen hours, melt through the nervous system, and seep out the pores.
Withnail: I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze!
Marwood: Even a stopped clock gives the right time twice a day… And for once I’m inclined to believe that Withnail is right… We are indeed, drifting into the arena of the unwell… making an enemy of our own future… What we need is harmony, fresh air, stuff like that.
Withnail: This is ridiculous. Look at me, I’m 30 in a month and I’ve got a sole flapping off my shoe.
Withnail: Nonsense. This is a far superior drink to meths. The wankers don’t drink it because they can’t afford it.
Marwood: I could hardly piss straight with fear. Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who’d taken a dislike to me. What had I done to offend him? I don’t consciously offend big men like this. And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. Get any more masculine than him and you’d have to live up a tree.
Withnail: I have a heart condition. I have a heart condition, if you hit me it’s murder.
Danny: Don’t get uptight with me, man. Cos if you do, I’ll have to give you a dose of medicine. And if I spike you, you’ll know you’ve been spoken to.
Withnail: You wouldn’t spike me, you’re too mean. Beside there’s nothing invented I couldn’t take.
Danny: If I medicined you, you’d think a brain tumour was a birthday present.
Withnail: We’ve gone on holiday by mistake. We’re in this cottage here. Are you the farmer?
Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head.
Withnail: A pair of quadruple whiskies and another pair of pints, please.
Withnail: Balls! We want the finest wines available to humanity. And we want them here, and we want them now!
Withnail: Ah! I’m glad you’re the proprietor, I was gonna have to have a word with you anyway. We’re working on a film up here. Locations, see. We might wanna do a film in here.
Marwood: We are not drunks, we are multimillionaires!
Withnail: Yes, we’ll buy this place and we’ll install a fucking jukebox in here and liven all you stiffs up a bit!
Monty: Oh, you little traitors. I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. The carrot has mystery. Flowers are essentially tarts. Prostitutes for the bees. There is, you’ll agree, a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ oh so very special about a firm, young carrot.
Every quote is a gem,,! Withnail and I can never be watched too much in my opinion… Fabulous writing and acting